Down Cycle – Lifting Up

The last 10 days have been rough mentally and physically.  I haven’t exercised.  I’ve been lazy with my eating.  Lazy in general.

Mentally, I’ve been in a trough.  PMS beat me down and then my cycle tried to kill me.  Five days of HORRIBLE cramps and pain.  There were times I couldn’t stand up straight.  I had NO desire to move most of the time, much less exercise.  I wanted comfort food.  Salt, chocolate and fat were what I craved, and I gave into it.  I didn’t go CRAZY with it, but I didn’t fight off the cravings either.

I’m sure to post a gain Weds. when I weigh.  Last weigh in I gained a pound as well.  I’m fairly sure THAT was water weight though.  I was retaining water like a friggin’ camel.  THIS Weds. though, won’t be water weight.  It’ll be bad head space and not giving enough of a damn to power through it.

HOWEVER, I’m back on track now.  I did 40 minutes on my arm cycle this morning.  Burned 407 calories!  I had my Herbalife shake this morning for breakfast.  Lunch will be Chicken sausage an a lil bit of pasta with a side salad.  Dinner will be another shake.  I have fresh peaches and nectarines to snack on.  I have black cherries, too!  I’m set and I’m ready to kick my own ass again.

Let’s DO this thing, yo!

Crazy Days

I know, I know. BAD BLOGGER! I’ve been silent for quite a while.

I’ve been keeping busy with my healthier living and we’ve had a flurry of weekend activity. We’ve had company, we’ve BEEN company, we’ve been to birthday parties, gotten new furniture and spent time with extended family. Unfortunately, there are no signs of it changing through the end of August. Whew!

The Tween returns home the VERY end of July, we are going on a big family vacation with the InLaws a week later. School starts up August 13th for The Tween. The following weekend its BACK out of town for a baby shower… It’s CRAZY. I’m TELLIN’ ya!

I’ve been a little less diligent with my exercise and diet but I’m trying to get strict with myself again. I used my mini arm cycle for 30 min today. I’ll be doing my Core Strength DVD once I post this.

I’m rather proud of myself for managing the food portion of things as well as I have. With all the craziness it would have been SOOOO easy to fall completely off the wagon, if not UNDER the wagon, but I didn’t. Yes, I had a bit of cake Sunday at my niece’s birthday party, but the rest of my food was handled well this weekend. *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*

I lost another 2 pounds as of my weigh in last Weds. and I’m down 24 lbs. total. I’m just keepin’ on… 😀

DVDs, NSVs and MFP!

This week has been good for finding new tools in my healthier living trek.

I started using an exercise DVD for people who are older or who have mobility issues (LIKE ME).  The one I bought is for strengthening your core muscles and let me tell you… it works!  After 3 workouts I can already stand and walk longer.  I’m amazed and TOTALLY stoked.  I hate working out.  I mean… really… don’t most of us?  It seems a chore and just so much… Blarrrrrrgh.  I’m actually looking forward to doing this DVD each day because I’m seeing results.

Also, if you’ll look over to the right of my blog you’ll see something new.  I have a weight loss ticker.  I signed up for MyFitnessPal and got it there.  It’s a great site as far as I can tell.  They have message boards with everything from recipes to motivational posts to music suggestions for work out playlists.  You can track your exercise, calories burned and calories/foods eaten.

Your friends on the site can comment on your food diary, cheer you on as you reach each goal you set for yourself and as you exercise.  I’m really digging the place!  If you’re on the site send me a friend request.  I’m there as “Dorkaleena”… of COURSE!  😀

NSV – It’s the Little Things

Terri commented on my post from yesterday that I needed to stop focusing so much on the number on the scale and celebrate the OTHER good things coming out of this new way of life.

I thought about that a LOT.

You know what?  She’s totally, completely right.  I wasn’t sure what to call these little “Win’s” and after MUCH lurking on weight loss boards I found a term that is already being used for such things.  I had heard of it before and I’ve used the acronym before, but I had totally forgotten about it over time.  It’s meaning and it’s purpose are pretty clear once you know what it stands for.

NSV- Non-Scale Victories

Isn’t that fantastic?  Non-scale. Victories.

Now that I had a term for it I needed to figure out what an NSV for ME could be.  (I’m alone A LOT.  I think about stuff… A LOT.  Don’t judge. 😛 )  The more I thought, the more I struggled until I came to the conclusion that anything that indicated improvement in my general health and size worked. I tend to be a “Big Picture” kind of girl.  It’s just how I’m wired.  When you’re trying to lose 200+ pounds the “Big Picture” can bit a bit… daunting.  I need to celebrate the little things, the everyday things.

Of course, that leads me to a whole OTHER chain of thought.

How do I recognize an NSV?  Hmmmm…  I’ve landed on this.  NSV’s are little things that happen during my day that excite me and charge me up about getting healthier and losing weight.  Pretty simple and straight forward.

Then I realized I’d had not one but TWO, 2 Ah-ah-ah!*!, NSV’s in as many days.

Yesterday, we went to SUBWAY for dinner.  I’m slightly addicted to their Turkey, Bacon and Avocado subs right now.  Usually by the time we get through the line and out the door my lower back is KILLING me.  I have to lean on things to remain standing.  (This also gives you some idea of JUST how out of shape I am.)  It hit me as we were walking to the car.  I HADN’T HAD TO LEAN ON ANYTHING AND MY BACK WASN’T HURTING!!!!  I was SO excited.  It was total evidence of the exercise working.

This evening I had the second NSV.  I have to sit to do most things.  I can’t stand long enough to chop an onion or cut up a couple of potatoes or even shred cheese on the grater.  I’m THAT kind of out of shape.  Tonight I diced up 3 potatoes, 1 sweet potato, seasoned em, prepared the baking dishes, and shredded the cheese for The Husband’s regular potatoes WITHOUT SITTING DOWN AT ALL.  That’s not to say that my back wasn’t bothering me, because it totally was.  However, I managed it!

They’re such small things that most people take for granted.  When I started all this 5 weeks ago I couldn’t have done either of them.  *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*

 

 

***Yes… That was The Count from Sesame Street.  😛

 

 

Wrap and Turn – My Week in a Nutshell

This past week has been ROUGH.

Last Weds. I slipped in the kitchen and wrenched my back.  It caused a pulled muscle under my right shoulder blade and a muscle spasm that lasted 5 days.  Four of those days resulted in minimal, if not a COMPLETE lack of, exercise. I fell behind on EVERYTHING.  Housework went undone.  Laundry went undone and unfolded.  Thank goodness I didn’t have to cook much (Thank you, Herbalife and Lean Cuisine!) and The Husband was a good sport about the whole thing.  In fact, he kept telling me to stop worrying about what wasn’t getting done more than a time or two.

I was annoyed and grumpy and anxious all week.  It wasn’t out of control anxiety.  It was simply that, “Great.  I can’t DO anything and I NEEEEEED to!” type anxiety.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am NOT a great housewife.  I tend toward lazy and my mobility issues make some things VERY difficult and others IMPOSSIBLE.  However, I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO DO STUFF.  Choosing not to do something and being unable to do them are two TOTALLY different things.  It’s the difference between telling myself, “I choose not to have that Cheesecake.” and “I can’t have that Cheesecake.”  It’s a subtle difference to most people, but for me OMG “I can’t” or “You can’t” said by someone else is like a red cape to a bull.  (The Husband tells me all the time I’m a contrarian.  It usually leads to me saying, “I AM NOT!” and him laughing at me.  MEN!)

Anyway, I digress…

My anxiety about weighing this week slammed into high gear yesterday.  The longer the day went the more surly and unpleasant to be around I became.  Also, the more anxious and antsy I got.  Eventually I melted down after breaking the blender.  I was a puddle of tears and frustration because I just KNEW I was going to post a “no change” weigh in, or even worse, a weight gain.  I did ok with my eating.  I had a couple of splurges but they weren’t horrible or over the top.  I had some frozen Greek Yogurt and a nacho salad over the weekend.  Not HORRIBLE stuff, but certainly not diet friendly.

Imagine my surprise when I weighed this morning and found that I’d lost 2 pounds!!!  It wasn’t a lot.  It CERTAINLY wasn’t the 7 pound loss I’d posted the week before, but it was progress not a stall or a step back.  *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*

I need to remember to keep my head high and not let the obstacles in my way throw me so much.  Fortunately, I have a great support system in The Husband, my family and my friends.  When I was at my lowest last night I posted on Plurk about how I was feeling.  The replies with their outpouring of kindness, concern and encouragement were more helpful and motivating than those that posted them will ever realize.  If any of you are reading this, Thank You!  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Weigh Day! Weigh Day! Houston, We Have A…

I’m trying not to be obsessive and weigh daily, so I’ve made Weds. my “Weigh Day”.  I woke up early today.  I was a bit anxious and nervous.  It was a lot like a first date with a person you really kinda dig, but are afraid to trust your judgement on.  I had butterflies in my stomach.  My palms were sweaty.  The heart… she was racing.

I got all “Done up” for my date with the scale.  (HONESTLY, the only 2nd date I’ve EVER gone to as unclothed as possible.  I PROMISE MOM!) I felt shy and unsure of myself.  As I looked in the mirror I THOUGHT I could see a difference in my face, maybe I was just seeing the promise of the hope and excitement I was feeling, maybe it’s actual visible proof.  Really, I didn’t care which.  I FELT better having noticed it so I stepped on the scale, a little lighter in my heart and step.

The numbers did their thing and my jaw dropped.  That CAN’T be right!

I stepped on again and… the same result!

7 pounds?  7-Mother-Frelling-Pounds!!!?!?!?!?!?  No. Way!

I have to admit, I cried a bit.  It’s silly to get so emotional over a number, but that damn number has done NOTHING but go up over my lifetime and it makes me more than a little crazy.  I don’t really handle this stuff well.

I calmed down.  Wiped my face.  Blew my nose.

I got back into bed with The Husband and curled up to him.  He snuggled into me and asked where I’d gone.  I sighed, just a little, and told him I’d weighed.  We were quiet for a bit and he drifted off to sleep again for a moment.  When he surfaced again he simply asked, “Well?”

I wasn’t sure how to tell him.  Finally, I just blurted it out…

“7 Goddamned Pounds.”  He frowned and looked a bit confused.  Then I giggled helplessly…

“I LOST 7 more lbs. this week!!!!  That’s 20 lbs down in a month!”

I was grinning like an idiot.  He slugged me gently for being a brat then hugged me and congratulated me on my progress.

SUCCESS!

Monday Morning Tinkerback

Who would have EVER thought they’d dread the weekends?

I do pretty well during the week.  I drink my Herbalife shakes, eat veggies and fruit in reasonable quantities.  I exercise.  I. Have. It. GOIN’. ON. The weekends though, fuck up my world.

I did ok Saturday, but only OK.  Great never even entered my mind.  Sunday though?

Oy. Vey!

I ate biscuits without even thinking about it.  Then I figured, “Eh… I already broke my bread fast.  I may as well enjoy it.”  Then ate a couple more at dinner.  I ate banana bread.  I had breakfast sausage.  Any of those things alone wouldn’t have been HORRIBLE or even bad.  Together though?  Ugh.  Bad. Food. Day.  Top it off with no exercise because my back was bothering me and I wimped out because of it, and you have the makings of HOT MESS SUNDAY.

However, last night I did some research and found a DVD for strengthening your core muscles.  Yanno… back… stomach… I REALLY need to get those muscles in gear.  I can’t stand or walk for very long AT ALL and the later in the day it gets, the more quickly those muscles give out on me.  I hate it.  It makes me angry with myself.  It makes me cry.  (I am not exaggerating.  I actually cry in the evenings when they give out faster and faster.  It’s so damn frustrating.   I am a wussy.)  The awesome part of this DVD?  The exercises are designed for people with mobility issues.  You do them in a chair.  A. CHAIR.  It’s entirely possible that I could do the 20 minute set without killing myself.  We’ll see how it goes.  I’m pretty excited about having found this and they have other DVD’s designed for people with mobility issues that are aerobic in nature as well as stretching exercises.    I’m hoping to get them all eventually, but Imma start with the Strengthening DVD and move forward from there.

I’m back on track today.  I had my breakfast shake.  As soon as I hit “Post” on this sucker I’ll be getting my exercise on.  Then it’s housework for a bit.

I’ll get it right on the weekends eventually.  Damned if I know WHEN… but I will.  I struggle with it, a lot sometimes, but I’m getting there.

I have to remember to tink my mistakes slowly and steadily without letting them throw me off.  I’m knitting a new pattern for myself and errors are GOING to happen.  C’est la tricoter.  C’est la vie.

Milestone Musings

Today I hit a couple of milestones.  YAY!

• I sucked up my fear and weighed for the first time since I started really trying to get healthier.
• I lost  pounds!!!!
• I managed to exercise for 35 minutes today!
• 16 minutes
• SHORT BREAK
• 19 minutes!!!!!!

These may seem like odd things to be excited about (other than the weight loss), but they are signs of progress and forward momentum!  I’m making this work and I’m SO excited about it.  Even with my not so great eating over the weekend I’m doing pretty well.  Three weeks ago I could only exercise in 30 second to one minute bursts.  I could only do 10 minutes total before I was totally whipped.  I was terrified of weighing myself.  (Ok, so THAT hasn’t changed.  I DID push back the fear today though.  It’s a start!)

I also picked a pattern for my next knitting project.  I expect it to be totally adorable and squishy!  I can’t wait to cast on!  I just have to finish my SIL’s hat first.  I keep dragging my feet on it and I’m not sure why.  It’s not perfect, but what is?

Falling Off… No… UNDER the Wagon

Oh Weekend!  It takes SO LONG for you to get here, and then you’re gone in the blink of an eye!

We had a fantastic weekend!  Friday was The Husband’s birthday and his parents came in for a 24-ish hour visit.  We had a fantastic Italian feast at Martinelli’s Little Italy in Salina, KS.  Everyone was happy with their meals.  I behaved for the MOST part.  I ate NONE of their delicious fresh bread and butter.  I ordered a Caprese Salad as an appetizer, it was FABULOUS.

My entree’ was Talapia Piccata with a side of spiral pasta in a creamy pesto sauce.  I shared the appetizer with everyone and only ate about 1/3 of my pasta.  And then… I blew my diet to hell in spectacular fashion!  I had dessert.  Fresh pound cake with caramel and chocolate drizzle, Banana Gelato and caramelized bananas.  Holy… Amazeballs… that was fabulous.  I shared and I left 1/3 of it on the plate.  I didn’t do TOO badly, but unfortunately I knocked me off my healthy wagon for a bit.

After dinner we all went back to our house.  We were talking about the fascist ceiling fan/light fixture in our dinning room.  It was blowing bulbs in a couple of weeks.  We kept changing them and changing them and then… we ran out of bulbs.  My FIL decided at almost 9pm that we needed to go to Lowe’s in Salina and get a new fan and light kit to install.  Off the men went to get one!  My MIL and I stayed behind and chatted and laughed and I knitted a bit.  It was really some nice girl time with her!  The guys got back about 10:30pm and decided NOW WAS THE TIME!  They started installing the fan and light kit right then.  We finally finished around 2:30am.  OMG… I had dreams filled with the sounds of screws falling from the sky and hitting my hardwood floor.  It was CRAZY, y’all.  Funny as hell at moments though.

We went to bed around 3am and got up at 7am.  MIL, The Husband and I went to the Farmer’s Market.  Now, our Farmer’s Market is tiny.  I mean, 10 booths MAX.  We still managed to come home with pickled beets, fresh Yukon Gold potatoes, fresh cheese (some of which was Raw Milk cheese… ZOMG SO GOOD!), Farm Fresh Eggs, Zucchini Bread and Banana Nut Bread.  (The Zucchini Bread was of the eunuch variety.  Yanno… no nuts!  Bwahahah!)  Then we hit the grocery store.  I spent the rest of the day chopping everything in the house.  I chopped ‘taters, onions, bell pepper, Baby Bella Mushrooms, cantaloupe, tomatoes, avocado, cucumbers and my left index finger.  (Yes, you read that right… Left… Index… Finger… CHOPPED!)

The men put up a 2nd ceiling fan.  This one in the living room.  They cleaned out the garage and put mulching blades on our riding lawnmower.  Also, they fixed the garage door.  My MIL attempted to save my front flower bed, but it was unsalvageable.  She pulled up my plants (Black eyed Susans) because the leaves all had this awful black fungus on them.  Next Spring we’ll start over with new plants.  Hopefully, by then I can do more in the yard.

We had a yummy late lunch of Hamburgers (no bun for me and topped with one of those farm fresh eggs), Packet Potatoes, Tomato, and cucumber and avocado Salad.  Later we snacked on the quick breads and drank coffee.  The In-Laws left around 8pm.

Saturday night I could barely move.  My body was SO DAMN SORE it was unreal.   It kinda pissed me off because compared to everyone else I did NOTHING.  Sigh… I’ll get there I know.  I know.  I just hate being the weakest link at a work party.

Sunday, The Husband and I just chilled out.  I did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen a bit, but that was it for the most part.

Food-wise I did ok until we ate cheese and crackers.  I went a lil’ batshit insane becuase ZOMG that fresh cheese was so… so… good.

Also, I drank Soda this weekend.  Two huge Diet Dr. Pepper’s from Sonic.

I fell UNDER the wagon, yo!

However, I’m back on it today.  I had my breakfast shake and I’m going to snack on some Melon Salad later.  Lunch will be some tomatoes with S&P and a hamburger pattie topped with a fried farm fresh egg.  I’m also going to cook some more Packet Potatoes.  This time I’ll use ICan’tBelieveIt’sNotButter Spray on mine rather than real butter.  No cheese.  Just taters, onions, bell peppers and Baby Bellas.  Should be Yummmmmm.

After lunch I’ll do my exercise.  30 min on the mini arm cycle.  35 if I can handle it!

Onward and upward damnit!  No beating myself up for my weekend slide.  I did 3 weeks of healthy eating.  Two days of being kinda bad aren’t so awful.  I coulda been sooooo much worse.

 

Binding On in a New Way

I know I’ve been silent for a lil while on here, but  I’ve been BUSY, Yo!

With my new outlook and mindset has come something, unexpected.  Wonderful, but not something anyone wants to hear about day in and day out.  Unfortunately, it’s kind of consuming my every thought and moment.  I’ve been making a concerted effort on getting my health back on track, and I’m really loving every second of it.

I’m exercising almost every day.

You have NO idea how huge that is for me.  I WANT to exercise.  I still suck as far as endurance goes.   I can only go for a few moments at a time.  Then I have to stop for a few.  Previously, I’d get to that stopping point and just… Stop.  (That’s IF I GOT STARTED AT ALL!)  Now, I press on until I’ve done 25 minutes of exercise.  Sure, it may take me 45 minutes to get it done, but BY GOD I’m DOING it.  Eventually, it’ll only take me 25 minutes, or it’ll still take 45 minutes, but that’s because I’m exercising the whole 45 minutes!

I’m drinking two Herbalife shakes a day.  One for breakfast and one for supper.  I’m supplementing with fresh fruit and veggie snacks like cucumber, tomato and avocado salad, cantaloupe and watermelon!  (I love this time of year!) Lunch is all about FOOD!  This week I’ve had hamburger patties topped with a slice of cheese and a fried egg (fried in non-stick pan with a lil spray oil).  No Bread.  No condiments.  SO YUMMEH!  I’ve also been experimenting with Lean Cuisine and other low cal frozen dinners.  If you’re interested I could start reviewing them here.  So far they are kinda hit and miss.  Whatever I have for lunch though, I have a nice fresh bowl of veggies, no dressing.  Just salt and pepper.  It helps fill me up and keep me full!

OH!  Speaking of bread, I have cut it out of my diet!  Almost 3 weeks now of no bread!  Really, most starchy things are gone.  I’m LOVING how it’s making me feel, but OMG… my blood sugars are crashing through the floor.  I have crashed almost daily since I’ve started this healthier eating and it’s wearing me out!  I’m decreasing my short acting insulin every day, but I still haven’t hit upon the right amount for my decreased/healthier eating and increased physical activity.  I’m thinking of putting potatoes back into rotation and maybe sweet potatoes.  I can fix them in different ways and it would keep me from crashing quite so much.

The one thing I DO miss is crunchy stuff.  Especially the last few days.  PMS IS TRYING TO ASSASSINATE MY PLAN!!!!  DAMN YOU HORMONES!!!!  Salty, sweet and crunchy is what I’ve been craving.  I have devised a not so horrible for me snack mix that seems to be keeping that in check though.  It’s four different kinds of Cheerio’s, Cracklin Oat Bran, dry roasted peanuts and mini chocolate chips.  I eat 1/4 to 1/2 a cup.  It’s high in fiber, has a lil protein, a lil chocolate, a lil salt and is decent calorie wise.  It’s got some short and long burning carbs and some fat so it helps my evening blood sugars stay level.  One-half cup of it clocks in at about 100 calories and is plenty to keep me feeling satisfied.

Anyone wanna do this with me?  (Obviously, you’d do it with your own preferred eating and exercise regime.  🙂 )  We can support each other and motivate each other and kick each other in the ass when we need it!

Unfortunately, I haven’t been knitting much with all of this going on.  I’m HOPING to get back to it VERY soon though.  I have a hat to finish for my SIL and Christmas Knitting to get started on!!!!  (Also, EVERY WOMAN I KNOW THAT IS FERTILE IS PREGNANT.  W. T. F. ?  LITERALLY! HAH!)

I’m open to suggestions and questions about all this stuff, by the way.  Email or comment away!