Crazy Days

I know, I know. BAD BLOGGER! I’ve been silent for quite a while.

I’ve been keeping busy with my healthier living and we’ve had a flurry of weekend activity. We’ve had company, we’ve BEEN company, we’ve been to birthday parties, gotten new furniture and spent time with extended family. Unfortunately, there are no signs of it changing through the end of August. Whew!

The Tween returns home the VERY end of July, we are going on a big family vacation with the InLaws a week later. School starts up August 13th for The Tween. The following weekend its BACK out of town for a baby shower… It’s CRAZY. I’m TELLIN’ ya!

I’ve been a little less diligent with my exercise and diet but I’m trying to get strict with myself again. I used my mini arm cycle for 30 min today. I’ll be doing my Core Strength DVD once I post this.

I’m rather proud of myself for managing the food portion of things as well as I have. With all the craziness it would have been SOOOO easy to fall completely off the wagon, if not UNDER the wagon, but I didn’t. Yes, I had a bit of cake Sunday at my niece’s birthday party, but the rest of my food was handled well this weekend. *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*

I lost another 2 pounds as of my weigh in last Weds. and I’m down 24 lbs. total. I’m just keepin’ on… 😀

Weigh Day! Weigh Day! Houston, We Have A…

I’m trying not to be obsessive and weigh daily, so I’ve made Weds. my “Weigh Day”.  I woke up early today.  I was a bit anxious and nervous.  It was a lot like a first date with a person you really kinda dig, but are afraid to trust your judgement on.  I had butterflies in my stomach.  My palms were sweaty.  The heart… she was racing.

I got all “Done up” for my date with the scale.  (HONESTLY, the only 2nd date I’ve EVER gone to as unclothed as possible.  I PROMISE MOM!) I felt shy and unsure of myself.  As I looked in the mirror I THOUGHT I could see a difference in my face, maybe I was just seeing the promise of the hope and excitement I was feeling, maybe it’s actual visible proof.  Really, I didn’t care which.  I FELT better having noticed it so I stepped on the scale, a little lighter in my heart and step.

The numbers did their thing and my jaw dropped.  That CAN’T be right!

I stepped on again and… the same result!

7 pounds?  7-Mother-Frelling-Pounds!!!?!?!?!?!?  No. Way!

I have to admit, I cried a bit.  It’s silly to get so emotional over a number, but that damn number has done NOTHING but go up over my lifetime and it makes me more than a little crazy.  I don’t really handle this stuff well.

I calmed down.  Wiped my face.  Blew my nose.

I got back into bed with The Husband and curled up to him.  He snuggled into me and asked where I’d gone.  I sighed, just a little, and told him I’d weighed.  We were quiet for a bit and he drifted off to sleep again for a moment.  When he surfaced again he simply asked, “Well?”

I wasn’t sure how to tell him.  Finally, I just blurted it out…

“7 Goddamned Pounds.”  He frowned and looked a bit confused.  Then I giggled helplessly…

“I LOST 7 more lbs. this week!!!!  That’s 20 lbs down in a month!”

I was grinning like an idiot.  He slugged me gently for being a brat then hugged me and congratulated me on my progress.

SUCCESS!

Falling Off… No… UNDER the Wagon

Oh Weekend!  It takes SO LONG for you to get here, and then you’re gone in the blink of an eye!

We had a fantastic weekend!  Friday was The Husband’s birthday and his parents came in for a 24-ish hour visit.  We had a fantastic Italian feast at Martinelli’s Little Italy in Salina, KS.  Everyone was happy with their meals.  I behaved for the MOST part.  I ate NONE of their delicious fresh bread and butter.  I ordered a Caprese Salad as an appetizer, it was FABULOUS.

My entree’ was Talapia Piccata with a side of spiral pasta in a creamy pesto sauce.  I shared the appetizer with everyone and only ate about 1/3 of my pasta.  And then… I blew my diet to hell in spectacular fashion!  I had dessert.  Fresh pound cake with caramel and chocolate drizzle, Banana Gelato and caramelized bananas.  Holy… Amazeballs… that was fabulous.  I shared and I left 1/3 of it on the plate.  I didn’t do TOO badly, but unfortunately I knocked me off my healthy wagon for a bit.

After dinner we all went back to our house.  We were talking about the fascist ceiling fan/light fixture in our dinning room.  It was blowing bulbs in a couple of weeks.  We kept changing them and changing them and then… we ran out of bulbs.  My FIL decided at almost 9pm that we needed to go to Lowe’s in Salina and get a new fan and light kit to install.  Off the men went to get one!  My MIL and I stayed behind and chatted and laughed and I knitted a bit.  It was really some nice girl time with her!  The guys got back about 10:30pm and decided NOW WAS THE TIME!  They started installing the fan and light kit right then.  We finally finished around 2:30am.  OMG… I had dreams filled with the sounds of screws falling from the sky and hitting my hardwood floor.  It was CRAZY, y’all.  Funny as hell at moments though.

We went to bed around 3am and got up at 7am.  MIL, The Husband and I went to the Farmer’s Market.  Now, our Farmer’s Market is tiny.  I mean, 10 booths MAX.  We still managed to come home with pickled beets, fresh Yukon Gold potatoes, fresh cheese (some of which was Raw Milk cheese… ZOMG SO GOOD!), Farm Fresh Eggs, Zucchini Bread and Banana Nut Bread.  (The Zucchini Bread was of the eunuch variety.  Yanno… no nuts!  Bwahahah!)  Then we hit the grocery store.  I spent the rest of the day chopping everything in the house.  I chopped ‘taters, onions, bell pepper, Baby Bella Mushrooms, cantaloupe, tomatoes, avocado, cucumbers and my left index finger.  (Yes, you read that right… Left… Index… Finger… CHOPPED!)

The men put up a 2nd ceiling fan.  This one in the living room.  They cleaned out the garage and put mulching blades on our riding lawnmower.  Also, they fixed the garage door.  My MIL attempted to save my front flower bed, but it was unsalvageable.  She pulled up my plants (Black eyed Susans) because the leaves all had this awful black fungus on them.  Next Spring we’ll start over with new plants.  Hopefully, by then I can do more in the yard.

We had a yummy late lunch of Hamburgers (no bun for me and topped with one of those farm fresh eggs), Packet Potatoes, Tomato, and cucumber and avocado Salad.  Later we snacked on the quick breads and drank coffee.  The In-Laws left around 8pm.

Saturday night I could barely move.  My body was SO DAMN SORE it was unreal.   It kinda pissed me off because compared to everyone else I did NOTHING.  Sigh… I’ll get there I know.  I know.  I just hate being the weakest link at a work party.

Sunday, The Husband and I just chilled out.  I did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen a bit, but that was it for the most part.

Food-wise I did ok until we ate cheese and crackers.  I went a lil’ batshit insane becuase ZOMG that fresh cheese was so… so… good.

Also, I drank Soda this weekend.  Two huge Diet Dr. Pepper’s from Sonic.

I fell UNDER the wagon, yo!

However, I’m back on it today.  I had my breakfast shake and I’m going to snack on some Melon Salad later.  Lunch will be some tomatoes with S&P and a hamburger pattie topped with a fried farm fresh egg.  I’m also going to cook some more Packet Potatoes.  This time I’ll use ICan’tBelieveIt’sNotButter Spray on mine rather than real butter.  No cheese.  Just taters, onions, bell peppers and Baby Bellas.  Should be Yummmmmm.

After lunch I’ll do my exercise.  30 min on the mini arm cycle.  35 if I can handle it!

Onward and upward damnit!  No beating myself up for my weekend slide.  I did 3 weeks of healthy eating.  Two days of being kinda bad aren’t so awful.  I coulda been sooooo much worse.

 

Something Blue

Sometimes, being far from my family sucks.

There are 3 states between my family and I.  Sometimes, the distance doesn’t bother me.  I DO miss them in the minutiae of my day to day, but that’s what phones and texts and online communication is for.  The holidays though, the big life events that I miss, I hate that part.

Last holiday season I didn’t get to see my family at all.  Even The Tween was elsewhere.  I did NOTHING for the holidays here at home.   I didn’t want a tree.  I didn’t bake cookies or make candy.  All those things are family activities for me.  Of course, NOT doing those things for myself just deepened my depression and anxiety about the holidays.  It was less than smart to not do SOMETHING here at home.  We DID celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving with my InLaws and it was really nice.  I enjoyed myself, but there was a big hole in my heart where my parents, my brother and the rest of my family should have been.

Today I found out someone that has always held a special place in my heart is getting married in November.  There’s no way I can go.  Transportation, timing and money all play a role in keeping me from it.  However, KNITTING TO THE RESCUE… hopefully.

I’m going to knit her wedding garter for her.  I found a lovely pattern over at Knitting Alone.  It’ll be my first try at lace work, but at least I can do some small special thing for her on this important day.

Weaving in the Ends

Restless.  That’s how I’m feeling today.  We dropped The Tween off in another state yesterday.  Tomorrow he flies to yet another.  He’ll be gone for eight weeks and I’m feeling very up in the air.

My new medicine for depression is working GANGBUSTERS.  I have energy and the desire to take care of things.  Unfortunately, PHYSICALLY I’m not up to the task.  I’m doing small things.  Doing things a bit at a time, but I have this URGE to GET IT DONE NOW!  There’s this sense of immediacy that’s, frankly, annoying the hell out of me.  I’m not satisfied with what I CAN do on my own.

HOLY SHITBALLS!

I ordered a piece of exercise equipment Friday.  It’s just a mini cycle.  You can “pedal” with your hands or your feet.  I am going to use it to build up my strength, but it’s going to take time.

I need to shut that mouthy ho’ in the back of my head up for a bit.  I’ve been knitting on a couple of projects and that helps, but I feel guilty for not doing MORE in the house.  *Sigh*  I’m not so good a baby steps.

Lend Me Your Ear

Eight more days and The Tween will be done with 6th grade.  Two days later he’ll leave for eight weeks, two months.  Forty-four days and he’ll turn twelve years old.  It’s crazy how fast this school year has gone by and how quickly my child is growing up.  I see all the potential in the world in him, but helping HIM see it is difficult.

He’s been in trouble a LOT this year.  We’ve had issues with talking back, poor study habits, his belief that we don’t know anything, and lying.  It’s been rough on all of us.  However, he’s made the A-B Honor Roll every quarter, he has tried SO hard to keep his mouth and attitude in check at times, and he’s tried to do things for both The Husband and I just to be nice. He’s also done it to broker good will when he’s in trouble.  He tried to wash the Jeep… while it was still in the garage.  He cleaned the kitchen… and re-organized it leaving me lost when I tried to cook dinner.

I know he feels like he can’t do anything right. He’s said those words to me.

I want him to understand something, so I’m putting it out here into the Blogaverse for him to see:

You are a great kid.  You’re funny, smart and have a loving heart.  You’re stubborn like I am.  Your frustration threshold is low and I know you got your temper from me.  I yell, a lot sometimes, and I correct you even more than that.  I know sometimes you feel like you hate me because of it.  You think I’m mean because I won’t let you watch R rated moves or play M rated games, because I won’t let you take your cell phone to school or play games online with random people.  Sometimes I hate myself because of all the conflict.

I do it anyway, not because it’s my job, not because I enjoy it.  I do it because I love you and I want you to reach all that potential I see in you.  I know how desperately you want to be a grown up and you’ll get there sooner than any of us can imagine, but you’re not there yet.  Let us help you find your way there.  Don’t fight us so hard.  Don’t try to run there so fast.  The road there can be filled with fun and laughter if you don’t rush.

Reading to his cousin.

I promise to try not to hold you back and to give you your head.  I promise to be here when you need help and to try to stay out of your way when you don’t.  Just try not to outdistance me.  My love can reach you anywhere, but my arms can’t.

Wrap and Turn

Doctor’s appointments, new meds, food poisoning.

See that up there?  ^^^^^^^^  That’s been my last 2 days.  I’m not QUITE over the food poisoning and neither is The Tween, but we’re better than we were yesterday.

No knitting has happened.  Neither has much of anything else.  Lots of watching stuff on Netflix Instant between trips to the bathroom.

The weekend is upon us.  It’s supposed to be HOT and BEAUTIFUL!  We have no plans (Though I’d LOVE to talk The Husband into going to a farmer’s market Saturday.)  just hanging out together.  I can’t wait!

Since today is Star Wars Day “May the fourth be with you.” I leave you with this: