So, remember when I was talking about how important where I was mentally and emotionally has proven to be in my weight loss and healthier living efforts? Yeah. Apparently, it is currently stuck “where the sun don’t shine”. That is to say, I’m suffering a bad case of HUA (Head Up Ass), complicated by a severe relapse of IDGAF. (I Don’t Give A Frell).
I’m off the rails with my eating. I’m back on the bread and once more I crave it like I have to have it to live. I’m not doing much, not moving much and I feel myself slipping down the slope into the black again. I’ve noticed the negative thoughts creeping in under the window sills and weather stripping. “What’s the point?” “I’ll never be able to do it long enough for it to really matter.” “It’s not worth the trouble… I’m not worth the trouble…”
I’m still on my “crazy pills”, but something is off now. I’m not sure what or why. I try to fight it. I try to “fake it till I make it”. Most people don’t have a clue how I feel about myself or how I talk to myself in my head. The see me smile and joke and laugh, but it’s hollow much of the time. No one really notices the slide except a few who know me exceptionally well. My Mom hears it in my voice. The Husband notices I’m doing less around the house and seem withdrawn. He sees what’s happening, but doesn’t know what to say or how to help. I see he recognizes the downward slide when I look in his eyes or catch him watching me with that concerned look as he frets.
I’m trying to claw my way back up the hill. I’m trying not to fall into the chasm. I seem to be losing ground daily though. I’ve been fighting it for a couple of weeks now and I’m not sure how beat it back yet again.
The last 10 days have been rough mentally and physically. I haven’t exercised. I’ve been lazy with my eating. Lazy in general.
Mentally, I’ve been in a trough. PMS beat me down and then my cycle tried to kill me. Five days of HORRIBLE cramps and pain. There were times I couldn’t stand up straight. I had NO desire to move most of the time, much less exercise. I wanted comfort food. Salt, chocolate and fat were what I craved, and I gave into it. I didn’t go CRAZY with it, but I didn’t fight off the cravings either.
I’m sure to post a gain Weds. when I weigh. Last weigh in I gained a pound as well. I’m fairly sure THAT was water weight though. I was retaining water like a friggin’ camel. THIS Weds. though, won’t be water weight. It’ll be bad head space and not giving enough of a damn to power through it.
HOWEVER, I’m back on track now. I did 40 minutes on my arm cycle this morning. Burned 407 calories! I had my Herbalife shake this morning for breakfast. Lunch will be Chicken sausage an a lil bit of pasta with a side salad. Dinner will be another shake. I have fresh peaches and nectarines to snack on. I have black cherries, too! I’m set and I’m ready to kick my own ass again.
Let’s DO this thing, yo!
I know, I know. BAD BLOGGER! I’ve been silent for quite a while.
I’ve been keeping busy with my healthier living and we’ve had a flurry of weekend activity. We’ve had company, we’ve BEEN company, we’ve been to birthday parties, gotten new furniture and spent time with extended family. Unfortunately, there are no signs of it changing through the end of August. Whew!
The Tween returns home the VERY end of July, we are going on a big family vacation with the InLaws a week later. School starts up August 13th for The Tween. The following weekend its BACK out of town for a baby shower… It’s CRAZY. I’m TELLIN’ ya!
I’ve been a little less diligent with my exercise and diet but I’m trying to get strict with myself again. I used my mini arm cycle for 30 min today. I’ll be doing my Core Strength DVD once I post this.
I’m rather proud of myself for managing the food portion of things as well as I have. With all the craziness it would have been SOOOO easy to fall completely off the wagon, if not UNDER the wagon, but I didn’t. Yes, I had a bit of cake Sunday at my niece’s birthday party, but the rest of my food was handled well this weekend. *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*
I lost another 2 pounds as of my weigh in last Weds. and I’m down 24 lbs. total. I’m just keepin’ on… 😀