So, remember when I was talking about how important where I was mentally and emotionally has proven to be in my weight loss and healthier living efforts?  Yeah.  Apparently, it is currently stuck “where the sun don’t shine”.  That is to say, I’m suffering a bad case of HUA (Head Up Ass), complicated by a severe relapse of IDGAF.  (I Don’t Give A Frell).

I’m off the rails with my eating.  I’m back on the bread and once more I crave it like I have to have it to live.  I’m not doing much, not moving much and I feel myself slipping down the slope into the black again.  I’ve noticed the negative thoughts creeping in under the window sills and weather stripping.  “What’s the point?” “I’ll never be able to do it long enough for it to really matter.” “It’s not worth the trouble… I’m not worth the trouble…”

I’m still on my “crazy pills”, but something is off now.  I’m not sure what or why.  I try to fight it.  I try to “fake it till I make it”.  Most people don’t have a clue how I feel about myself or how I talk to myself in my head.  The see me smile and joke and laugh, but it’s hollow much of the time.  No one really notices the slide except a few who know me exceptionally well.  My Mom hears it in my voice.  The Husband notices I’m doing less around the house and seem withdrawn.  He sees what’s happening, but doesn’t know what to say or how to help.  I see he recognizes the downward slide when I look in his eyes or catch him watching me with that concerned look as he frets.

I’m trying to claw my way back up the hill.  I’m trying not to fall into the chasm.  I seem to be losing ground daily though.  I’ve been fighting it for a couple of weeks now and I’m not sure how beat it back yet again.


Down Cycle – Lifting Up

The last 10 days have been rough mentally and physically.  I haven’t exercised.  I’ve been lazy with my eating.  Lazy in general.

Mentally, I’ve been in a trough.  PMS beat me down and then my cycle tried to kill me.  Five days of HORRIBLE cramps and pain.  There were times I couldn’t stand up straight.  I had NO desire to move most of the time, much less exercise.  I wanted comfort food.  Salt, chocolate and fat were what I craved, and I gave into it.  I didn’t go CRAZY with it, but I didn’t fight off the cravings either.

I’m sure to post a gain Weds. when I weigh.  Last weigh in I gained a pound as well.  I’m fairly sure THAT was water weight though.  I was retaining water like a friggin’ camel.  THIS Weds. though, won’t be water weight.  It’ll be bad head space and not giving enough of a damn to power through it.

HOWEVER, I’m back on track now.  I did 40 minutes on my arm cycle this morning.  Burned 407 calories!  I had my Herbalife shake this morning for breakfast.  Lunch will be Chicken sausage an a lil bit of pasta with a side salad.  Dinner will be another shake.  I have fresh peaches and nectarines to snack on.  I have black cherries, too!  I’m set and I’m ready to kick my own ass again.

Let’s DO this thing, yo!

Crazy Days

I know, I know. BAD BLOGGER! I’ve been silent for quite a while.

I’ve been keeping busy with my healthier living and we’ve had a flurry of weekend activity. We’ve had company, we’ve BEEN company, we’ve been to birthday parties, gotten new furniture and spent time with extended family. Unfortunately, there are no signs of it changing through the end of August. Whew!

The Tween returns home the VERY end of July, we are going on a big family vacation with the InLaws a week later. School starts up August 13th for The Tween. The following weekend its BACK out of town for a baby shower… It’s CRAZY. I’m TELLIN’ ya!

I’ve been a little less diligent with my exercise and diet but I’m trying to get strict with myself again. I used my mini arm cycle for 30 min today. I’ll be doing my Core Strength DVD once I post this.

I’m rather proud of myself for managing the food portion of things as well as I have. With all the craziness it would have been SOOOO easy to fall completely off the wagon, if not UNDER the wagon, but I didn’t. Yes, I had a bit of cake Sunday at my niece’s birthday party, but the rest of my food was handled well this weekend. *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*

I lost another 2 pounds as of my weigh in last Weds. and I’m down 24 lbs. total. I’m just keepin’ on… 😀

DVDs, NSVs and MFP!

This week has been good for finding new tools in my healthier living trek.

I started using an exercise DVD for people who are older or who have mobility issues (LIKE ME).  The one I bought is for strengthening your core muscles and let me tell you… it works!  After 3 workouts I can already stand and walk longer.  I’m amazed and TOTALLY stoked.  I hate working out.  I mean… really… don’t most of us?  It seems a chore and just so much… Blarrrrrrgh.  I’m actually looking forward to doing this DVD each day because I’m seeing results.

Also, if you’ll look over to the right of my blog you’ll see something new.  I have a weight loss ticker.  I signed up for MyFitnessPal and got it there.  It’s a great site as far as I can tell.  They have message boards with everything from recipes to motivational posts to music suggestions for work out playlists.  You can track your exercise, calories burned and calories/foods eaten.

Your friends on the site can comment on your food diary, cheer you on as you reach each goal you set for yourself and as you exercise.  I’m really digging the place!  If you’re on the site send me a friend request.  I’m there as “Dorkaleena”… of COURSE!  😀

NSV – It’s the Little Things

Terri commented on my post from yesterday that I needed to stop focusing so much on the number on the scale and celebrate the OTHER good things coming out of this new way of life.

I thought about that a LOT.

You know what?  She’s totally, completely right.  I wasn’t sure what to call these little “Win’s” and after MUCH lurking on weight loss boards I found a term that is already being used for such things.  I had heard of it before and I’ve used the acronym before, but I had totally forgotten about it over time.  It’s meaning and it’s purpose are pretty clear once you know what it stands for.

NSV- Non-Scale Victories

Isn’t that fantastic?  Non-scale. Victories.

Now that I had a term for it I needed to figure out what an NSV for ME could be.  (I’m alone A LOT.  I think about stuff… A LOT.  Don’t judge. 😛 )  The more I thought, the more I struggled until I came to the conclusion that anything that indicated improvement in my general health and size worked. I tend to be a “Big Picture” kind of girl.  It’s just how I’m wired.  When you’re trying to lose 200+ pounds the “Big Picture” can bit a bit… daunting.  I need to celebrate the little things, the everyday things.

Of course, that leads me to a whole OTHER chain of thought.

How do I recognize an NSV?  Hmmmm…  I’ve landed on this.  NSV’s are little things that happen during my day that excite me and charge me up about getting healthier and losing weight.  Pretty simple and straight forward.

Then I realized I’d had not one but TWO, 2 Ah-ah-ah!*!, NSV’s in as many days.

Yesterday, we went to SUBWAY for dinner.  I’m slightly addicted to their Turkey, Bacon and Avocado subs right now.  Usually by the time we get through the line and out the door my lower back is KILLING me.  I have to lean on things to remain standing.  (This also gives you some idea of JUST how out of shape I am.)  It hit me as we were walking to the car.  I HADN’T HAD TO LEAN ON ANYTHING AND MY BACK WASN’T HURTING!!!!  I was SO excited.  It was total evidence of the exercise working.

This evening I had the second NSV.  I have to sit to do most things.  I can’t stand long enough to chop an onion or cut up a couple of potatoes or even shred cheese on the grater.  I’m THAT kind of out of shape.  Tonight I diced up 3 potatoes, 1 sweet potato, seasoned em, prepared the baking dishes, and shredded the cheese for The Husband’s regular potatoes WITHOUT SITTING DOWN AT ALL.  That’s not to say that my back wasn’t bothering me, because it totally was.  However, I managed it!

They’re such small things that most people take for granted.  When I started all this 5 weeks ago I couldn’t have done either of them.  *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*



***Yes… That was The Count from Sesame Street.  😛



Wrap and Turn – My Week in a Nutshell

This past week has been ROUGH.

Last Weds. I slipped in the kitchen and wrenched my back.  It caused a pulled muscle under my right shoulder blade and a muscle spasm that lasted 5 days.  Four of those days resulted in minimal, if not a COMPLETE lack of, exercise. I fell behind on EVERYTHING.  Housework went undone.  Laundry went undone and unfolded.  Thank goodness I didn’t have to cook much (Thank you, Herbalife and Lean Cuisine!) and The Husband was a good sport about the whole thing.  In fact, he kept telling me to stop worrying about what wasn’t getting done more than a time or two.

I was annoyed and grumpy and anxious all week.  It wasn’t out of control anxiety.  It was simply that, “Great.  I can’t DO anything and I NEEEEEED to!” type anxiety.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am NOT a great housewife.  I tend toward lazy and my mobility issues make some things VERY difficult and others IMPOSSIBLE.  However, I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO DO STUFF.  Choosing not to do something and being unable to do them are two TOTALLY different things.  It’s the difference between telling myself, “I choose not to have that Cheesecake.” and “I can’t have that Cheesecake.”  It’s a subtle difference to most people, but for me OMG “I can’t” or “You can’t” said by someone else is like a red cape to a bull.  (The Husband tells me all the time I’m a contrarian.  It usually leads to me saying, “I AM NOT!” and him laughing at me.  MEN!)

Anyway, I digress…

My anxiety about weighing this week slammed into high gear yesterday.  The longer the day went the more surly and unpleasant to be around I became.  Also, the more anxious and antsy I got.  Eventually I melted down after breaking the blender.  I was a puddle of tears and frustration because I just KNEW I was going to post a “no change” weigh in, or even worse, a weight gain.  I did ok with my eating.  I had a couple of splurges but they weren’t horrible or over the top.  I had some frozen Greek Yogurt and a nacho salad over the weekend.  Not HORRIBLE stuff, but certainly not diet friendly.

Imagine my surprise when I weighed this morning and found that I’d lost 2 pounds!!!  It wasn’t a lot.  It CERTAINLY wasn’t the 7 pound loss I’d posted the week before, but it was progress not a stall or a step back.  *Does Happy Snoopy Dance*

I need to remember to keep my head high and not let the obstacles in my way throw me so much.  Fortunately, I have a great support system in The Husband, my family and my friends.  When I was at my lowest last night I posted on Plurk about how I was feeling.  The replies with their outpouring of kindness, concern and encouragement were more helpful and motivating than those that posted them will ever realize.  If any of you are reading this, Thank You!  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Hell Hath No Fury…

like a knitter scorned.

The USOC has apparently gone insane trying to protect the “image” of the Olympics.  They have sent a Cease and Desist type letter to Ravelry, stating that the “Ravelympics” is guilty of “infringing” on their “intellectual property rights” and “We believe using the name “Ravelympics” for a competition that involves an afghan marathon, scarf hockey and sweater triathlon, among others, tends to denigrate the true nature of the Olympic Games.  In a sense, it is disrespectful to our country’s finest athletes and fails to recognize or appreciate their hard work.”.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?

The Ravelympics were organized as a booster club.  Ravelry nor the participants profit monetarily from the “games”.  Those participating knit in the “events” they sign up for by knitting items that fit the stated criteria for that event, often while WATCHING the Olympics.  Tons of time, care, love and effort go into making these items… and LEARNING how to craft in general.

It’s a way for lovers of the fiber arts to come together from around the globe and challenge themselves, push themselves, and better themselves with like minded people all over the globe.  Hmmmm… Yeah.  I can definitely see why that denigrates the true spirit of the Olympic games.  It is DEFINITELY an insult to the athletes and all the work they put into their craft.  Oops.  Sport.  *cough*

Seems to me the only ones maligning the spirit and the essence of the Olympics are the litigious, greedy, self-aggrandizing, egocentric people pushing this sort of nonsense. Of course, what do I know.  I’m just a knitter…