Weigh Day! Weigh Day! Houston, We Have A…

I’m trying not to be obsessive and weigh daily, so I’ve made Weds. my “Weigh Day”.  I woke up early today.  I was a bit anxious and nervous.  It was a lot like a first date with a person you really kinda dig, but are afraid to trust your judgement on.  I had butterflies in my stomach.  My palms were sweaty.  The heart… she was racing.

I got all “Done up” for my date with the scale.  (HONESTLY, the only 2nd date I’ve EVER gone to as unclothed as possible.  I PROMISE MOM!) I felt shy and unsure of myself.  As I looked in the mirror I THOUGHT I could see a difference in my face, maybe I was just seeing the promise of the hope and excitement I was feeling, maybe it’s actual visible proof.  Really, I didn’t care which.  I FELT better having noticed it so I stepped on the scale, a little lighter in my heart and step.

The numbers did their thing and my jaw dropped.  That CAN’T be right!

I stepped on again and… the same result!

7 pounds?  7-Mother-Frelling-Pounds!!!?!?!?!?!?  No. Way!

I have to admit, I cried a bit.  It’s silly to get so emotional over a number, but that damn number has done NOTHING but go up over my lifetime and it makes me more than a little crazy.  I don’t really handle this stuff well.

I calmed down.  Wiped my face.  Blew my nose.

I got back into bed with The Husband and curled up to him.  He snuggled into me and asked where I’d gone.  I sighed, just a little, and told him I’d weighed.  We were quiet for a bit and he drifted off to sleep again for a moment.  When he surfaced again he simply asked, “Well?”

I wasn’t sure how to tell him.  Finally, I just blurted it out…

“7 Goddamned Pounds.”  He frowned and looked a bit confused.  Then I giggled helplessly…

“I LOST 7 more lbs. this week!!!!  That’s 20 lbs down in a month!”

I was grinning like an idiot.  He slugged me gently for being a brat then hugged me and congratulated me on my progress.

SUCCESS!

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Monday Morning Tinkerback

Who would have EVER thought they’d dread the weekends?

I do pretty well during the week.  I drink my Herbalife shakes, eat veggies and fruit in reasonable quantities.  I exercise.  I. Have. It. GOIN’. ON. The weekends though, fuck up my world.

I did ok Saturday, but only OK.  Great never even entered my mind.  Sunday though?

Oy. Vey!

I ate biscuits without even thinking about it.  Then I figured, “Eh… I already broke my bread fast.  I may as well enjoy it.”  Then ate a couple more at dinner.  I ate banana bread.  I had breakfast sausage.  Any of those things alone wouldn’t have been HORRIBLE or even bad.  Together though?  Ugh.  Bad. Food. Day.  Top it off with no exercise because my back was bothering me and I wimped out because of it, and you have the makings of HOT MESS SUNDAY.

However, last night I did some research and found a DVD for strengthening your core muscles.  Yanno… back… stomach… I REALLY need to get those muscles in gear.  I can’t stand or walk for very long AT ALL and the later in the day it gets, the more quickly those muscles give out on me.  I hate it.  It makes me angry with myself.  It makes me cry.  (I am not exaggerating.  I actually cry in the evenings when they give out faster and faster.  It’s so damn frustrating.   I am a wussy.)  The awesome part of this DVD?  The exercises are designed for people with mobility issues.  You do them in a chair.  A. CHAIR.  It’s entirely possible that I could do the 20 minute set without killing myself.  We’ll see how it goes.  I’m pretty excited about having found this and they have other DVD’s designed for people with mobility issues that are aerobic in nature as well as stretching exercises.    I’m hoping to get them all eventually, but Imma start with the Strengthening DVD and move forward from there.

I’m back on track today.  I had my breakfast shake.  As soon as I hit “Post” on this sucker I’ll be getting my exercise on.  Then it’s housework for a bit.

I’ll get it right on the weekends eventually.  Damned if I know WHEN… but I will.  I struggle with it, a lot sometimes, but I’m getting there.

I have to remember to tink my mistakes slowly and steadily without letting them throw me off.  I’m knitting a new pattern for myself and errors are GOING to happen.  C’est la tricoter.  C’est la vie.

Milestone Musings

Today I hit a couple of milestones.  YAY!

  • I sucked up my fear and weighed for the first time since I started really trying to get healthier.
  • I lost  pounds!!!!
  • I managed to exercise for 35 minutes today!
  • 16 minutes
  • SHORT BREAK
  • 19 minutes!!!!!!

These may seem like odd things to be excited about (other than the weight loss), but they are signs of progress and forward momentum!  I’m making this work and I’m SO excited about it.  Even with my not so great eating over the weekend I’m doing pretty well.  Three weeks ago I could only exercise in 30 second to one minute bursts.  I could only do 10 minutes total before I was totally whipped.  I was terrified of weighing myself.  (Ok, so THAT hasn’t changed.  I DID push back the fear today though.  It’s a start!)

I also picked a pattern for my next knitting project.  I expect it to be totally adorable and squishy!  I can’t wait to cast on!  I just have to finish my SIL’s hat first.  I keep dragging my feet on it and I’m not sure why.  It’s not perfect, but what is?

Falling Off… No… UNDER the Wagon

Oh Weekend!  It takes SO LONG for you to get here, and then you’re gone in the blink of an eye!

We had a fantastic weekend!  Friday was The Husband’s birthday and his parents came in for a 24-ish hour visit.  We had a fantastic Italian feast at Martinelli’s Little Italy in Salina, KS.  Everyone was happy with their meals.  I behaved for the MOST part.  I ate NONE of their delicious fresh bread and butter.  I ordered a Caprese Salad as an appetizer, it was FABULOUS.

My entree’ was Talapia Piccata with a side of spiral pasta in a creamy pesto sauce.  I shared the appetizer with everyone and only ate about 1/3 of my pasta.  And then… I blew my diet to hell in spectacular fashion!  I had dessert.  Fresh pound cake with caramel and chocolate drizzle, Banana Gelato and caramelized bananas.  Holy… Amazeballs… that was fabulous.  I shared and I left 1/3 of it on the plate.  I didn’t do TOO badly, but unfortunately I knocked me off my healthy wagon for a bit.

After dinner we all went back to our house.  We were talking about the fascist ceiling fan/light fixture in our dinning room.  It was blowing bulbs in a couple of weeks.  We kept changing them and changing them and then… we ran out of bulbs.  My FIL decided at almost 9pm that we needed to go to Lowe’s in Salina and get a new fan and light kit to install.  Off the men went to get one!  My MIL and I stayed behind and chatted and laughed and I knitted a bit.  It was really some nice girl time with her!  The guys got back about 10:30pm and decided NOW WAS THE TIME!  They started installing the fan and light kit right then.  We finally finished around 2:30am.  OMG… I had dreams filled with the sounds of screws falling from the sky and hitting my hardwood floor.  It was CRAZY, y’all.  Funny as hell at moments though.

We went to bed around 3am and got up at 7am.  MIL, The Husband and I went to the Farmer’s Market.  Now, our Farmer’s Market is tiny.  I mean, 10 booths MAX.  We still managed to come home with pickled beets, fresh Yukon Gold potatoes, fresh cheese (some of which was Raw Milk cheese… ZOMG SO GOOD!), Farm Fresh Eggs, Zucchini Bread and Banana Nut Bread.  (The Zucchini Bread was of the eunuch variety.  Yanno… no nuts!  Bwahahah!)  Then we hit the grocery store.  I spent the rest of the day chopping everything in the house.  I chopped ‘taters, onions, bell pepper, Baby Bella Mushrooms, cantaloupe, tomatoes, avocado, cucumbers and my left index finger.  (Yes, you read that right… Left… Index… Finger… CHOPPED!)

The men put up a 2nd ceiling fan.  This one in the living room.  They cleaned out the garage and put mulching blades on our riding lawnmower.  Also, they fixed the garage door.  My MIL attempted to save my front flower bed, but it was unsalvageable.  She pulled up my plants (Black eyed Susans) because the leaves all had this awful black fungus on them.  Next Spring we’ll start over with new plants.  Hopefully, by then I can do more in the yard.

We had a yummy late lunch of Hamburgers (no bun for me and topped with one of those farm fresh eggs), Packet Potatoes, Tomato, and cucumber and avocado Salad.  Later we snacked on the quick breads and drank coffee.  The In-Laws left around 8pm.

Saturday night I could barely move.  My body was SO DAMN SORE it was unreal.   It kinda pissed me off because compared to everyone else I did NOTHING.  Sigh… I’ll get there I know.  I know.  I just hate being the weakest link at a work party.

Sunday, The Husband and I just chilled out.  I did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen a bit, but that was it for the most part.

Food-wise I did ok until we ate cheese and crackers.  I went a lil’ batshit insane becuase ZOMG that fresh cheese was so… so… good.

Also, I drank Soda this weekend.  Two huge Diet Dr. Pepper’s from Sonic.

I fell UNDER the wagon, yo!

However, I’m back on it today.  I had my breakfast shake and I’m going to snack on some Melon Salad later.  Lunch will be some tomatoes with S&P and a hamburger pattie topped with a fried farm fresh egg.  I’m also going to cook some more Packet Potatoes.  This time I’ll use ICan’tBelieveIt’sNotButter Spray on mine rather than real butter.  No cheese.  Just taters, onions, bell peppers and Baby Bellas.  Should be Yummmmmm.

After lunch I’ll do my exercise.  30 min on the mini arm cycle.  35 if I can handle it!

Onward and upward damnit!  No beating myself up for my weekend slide.  I did 3 weeks of healthy eating.  Two days of being kinda bad aren’t so awful.  I coulda been sooooo much worse.

 

Binding On in a New Way

I know I’ve been silent for a lil while on here, but  I’ve been BUSY, Yo!

With my new outlook and mindset has come something, unexpected.  Wonderful, but not something anyone wants to hear about day in and day out.  Unfortunately, it’s kind of consuming my every thought and moment.  I’ve been making a concerted effort on getting my health back on track, and I’m really loving every second of it.

I’m exercising almost every day.

You have NO idea how huge that is for me.  I WANT to exercise.  I still suck as far as endurance goes.   I can only go for a few moments at a time.  Then I have to stop for a few.  Previously, I’d get to that stopping point and just… Stop.  (That’s IF I GOT STARTED AT ALL!)  Now, I press on until I’ve done 25 minutes of exercise.  Sure, it may take me 45 minutes to get it done, but BY GOD I’m DOING it.  Eventually, it’ll only take me 25 minutes, or it’ll still take 45 minutes, but that’s because I’m exercising the whole 45 minutes!

I’m drinking two Herbalife shakes a day.  One for breakfast and one for supper.  I’m supplementing with fresh fruit and veggie snacks like cucumber, tomato and avocado salad, cantaloupe and watermelon!  (I love this time of year!) Lunch is all about FOOD!  This week I’ve had hamburger patties topped with a slice of cheese and a fried egg (fried in non-stick pan with a lil spray oil).  No Bread.  No condiments.  SO YUMMEH!  I’ve also been experimenting with Lean Cuisine and other low cal frozen dinners.  If you’re interested I could start reviewing them here.  So far they are kinda hit and miss.  Whatever I have for lunch though, I have a nice fresh bowl of veggies, no dressing.  Just salt and pepper.  It helps fill me up and keep me full!

OH!  Speaking of bread, I have cut it out of my diet!  Almost 3 weeks now of no bread!  Really, most starchy things are gone.  I’m LOVING how it’s making me feel, but OMG… my blood sugars are crashing through the floor.  I have crashed almost daily since I’ve started this healthier eating and it’s wearing me out!  I’m decreasing my short acting insulin every day, but I still haven’t hit upon the right amount for my decreased/healthier eating and increased physical activity.  I’m thinking of putting potatoes back into rotation and maybe sweet potatoes.  I can fix them in different ways and it would keep me from crashing quite so much.

The one thing I DO miss is crunchy stuff.  Especially the last few days.  PMS IS TRYING TO ASSASSINATE MY PLAN!!!!  DAMN YOU HORMONES!!!!  Salty, sweet and crunchy is what I’ve been craving.  I have devised a not so horrible for me snack mix that seems to be keeping that in check though.  It’s four different kinds of Cheerio’s, Cracklin Oat Bran, dry roasted peanuts and mini chocolate chips.  I eat 1/4 to 1/2 a cup.  It’s high in fiber, has a lil protein, a lil chocolate, a lil salt and is decent calorie wise.  It’s got some short and long burning carbs and some fat so it helps my evening blood sugars stay level.  One-half cup of it clocks in at about 100 calories and is plenty to keep me feeling satisfied.

Anyone wanna do this with me?  (Obviously, you’d do it with your own preferred eating and exercise regime.  🙂 )  We can support each other and motivate each other and kick each other in the ass when we need it!

Unfortunately, I haven’t been knitting much with all of this going on.  I’m HOPING to get back to it VERY soon though.  I have a hat to finish for my SIL and Christmas Knitting to get started on!!!!  (Also, EVERY WOMAN I KNOW THAT IS FERTILE IS PREGNANT.  W. T. F. ?  LITERALLY! HAH!)

I’m open to suggestions and questions about all this stuff, by the way.  Email or comment away!

Something Blue

Sometimes, being far from my family sucks.

There are 3 states between my family and I.  Sometimes, the distance doesn’t bother me.  I DO miss them in the minutiae of my day to day, but that’s what phones and texts and online communication is for.  The holidays though, the big life events that I miss, I hate that part.

Last holiday season I didn’t get to see my family at all.  Even The Tween was elsewhere.  I did NOTHING for the holidays here at home.   I didn’t want a tree.  I didn’t bake cookies or make candy.  All those things are family activities for me.  Of course, NOT doing those things for myself just deepened my depression and anxiety about the holidays.  It was less than smart to not do SOMETHING here at home.  We DID celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving with my InLaws and it was really nice.  I enjoyed myself, but there was a big hole in my heart where my parents, my brother and the rest of my family should have been.

Today I found out someone that has always held a special place in my heart is getting married in November.  There’s no way I can go.  Transportation, timing and money all play a role in keeping me from it.  However, KNITTING TO THE RESCUE… hopefully.

I’m going to knit her wedding garter for her.  I found a lovely pattern over at Knitting Alone.  It’ll be my first try at lace work, but at least I can do some small special thing for her on this important day.

Weaving in the Ends

Restless.  That’s how I’m feeling today.  We dropped The Tween off in another state yesterday.  Tomorrow he flies to yet another.  He’ll be gone for eight weeks and I’m feeling very up in the air.

My new medicine for depression is working GANGBUSTERS.  I have energy and the desire to take care of things.  Unfortunately, PHYSICALLY I’m not up to the task.  I’m doing small things.  Doing things a bit at a time, but I have this URGE to GET IT DONE NOW!  There’s this sense of immediacy that’s, frankly, annoying the hell out of me.  I’m not satisfied with what I CAN do on my own.

HOLY SHITBALLS!

I ordered a piece of exercise equipment Friday.  It’s just a mini cycle.  You can “pedal” with your hands or your feet.  I am going to use it to build up my strength, but it’s going to take time.

I need to shut that mouthy ho’ in the back of my head up for a bit.  I’ve been knitting on a couple of projects and that helps, but I feel guilty for not doing MORE in the house.  *Sigh*  I’m not so good a baby steps.