Circling the Drain

The last couple of weeks have been really rough.  The Tween has been making things more and more difficult for himself.  He’s been scolded, grounded, yelled at, cajoled, spoken to, put on restriction… I’ve done EVERYTHING I can think of.  Nothing seems to be getting through to him.

Today, we found out he’s been lying to us again.  Lying about having read books and taken tests for the Accelerated Reader program at school.  We suspected he was lying and tried to get proof from his teacher to confirm or belie our suspicions.  The information we were waiting for kept getting lost, forgotten or “Stolen” out of his locker.

Friday, he was told NUMEROUS times before leaving for school to MAKE SURE he brings the report home that shows what tests he’s taken and what he scored on them.  He came home without it AGAIN, saying that he took a test that day and it made his goal for the grading period.  He figured I didn’t NEED to see the scores…

I lost it.  I yelled like a crazy person, wild eyes, spittle flying, LOST. IT.  (I didn’t lay a hand on him.  Just yelled… loudly… and a lot…)  After I calmed down, I told him now was the time to come clean.  If he’d been lying about taking the tests or the scores he’d made on them, NOW was the time to tell me.  There would be no negative consequences if he did.  HOWEVER, if he did NOT admit to lying and I found out later he’d been lying all along he’d be on restriction for the entirety of the next school year.  No band.  No sports.  No TKD.  No hanging out with friends outside of school hours.  NOTHING.  I made the offer several times to him in a 30 minute period of time.  He never took advantage of it.  Today, after 10 emails with his teacher, I found out he’d been lying.

Really, I expected to be so VERY angry, but I’m not.  What I AM is hurt.  What I AM is disgusted with the job of parenting that I’m doing.

I’m feeling very, very low.  I want to fix what I’ve done wrong, what EVER it is that I did to cause him to believe this kind of behavior is ok.  Take it all back.  I want to feel like BE a less shitty parent and I don’t want to feel like I’m failing in THIS area of my life, too.

I just want to curl up in a ball and hide away, fade away and not deal with all this mess.  I can’t and I won’t, but some days it would be so EASY…


2 responses to “Circling the Drain

  1. I was going to write an insightful post involving “expecting too much from a pubesent boy”, “picking your battles”, “expecting the world to bend to your will”, “constant punishments leading to lose/lose situations and promoting avoidance”, etc…

    But given my distance from the situation and our obvious diferences of opinion with child rearing, I will simply say:


    • LOL Jackass! (And I’ve thought of the things you were considering writing about. I did. I do. I still think yer wrong… mostly… Heh)

      He’s a good kid at heart. I’m just trying to figure out how he turned into a 15 year old boy in 11 years…