Growing Pains

Sometimes, being a parent sucks.  Everyone knows it.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.

The Tween has been having lots of stomach issues lately, ever since we returned from Spring Break actually.   I’ve been concerned about it but not overly so.  He can be a bit nervous at times and he’s been getting fussed at a LOT lately.  He can’t seem to control his mouth most days, and it gets him in trouble.  I figured it was just fall out from that.  He’s a sensitive kid.

Yesterday, on top of a head cold, he was having trouble with his stomach “blowing out”, again.  It did it several times throughout the day and then several more once he got home.  I decided it was time to press him and find out what was going on with him.  Turns out, he and his best buddy are having problems getting along. The problems they are having are legitimate and being able to do NOTHING to truly help him is so very frustrating.

My kid is a GREAT kid.  However, his peers don’t really “get” him.  Adults do, of course he’s an only child and has been around mostly adults his whole life, so that makes a lot of sense.  Kids don’t know what to DO with him though.  He’s loud.  He’s dramatic.  He LOVES to talk… non… stop.  He has no sense of personal space. He has a temper from HELL.   He’s a very sensitive and emotional child.  He’s also the first one to approach someone who’s crying or hurt and try to help or make them feel better.  He’s fierce in his defense of those he loves.

I tried talking to him about all of those things.  The good and the bad and the awkward of who he is, but I had no answers on how to FIX the problem.  I can’t MAKE the other kids accept and like him.  I can’t MAKE the issues his friend is having with him go away.  All I can do is listen and give him hugs and HOPEFULLY help him find a way to temper the legitimate problems while not snuffing out how wonderful he is as a whole.  It doesn’t feel like ENOUGH though.  When we ended the conversation, I was left feeling helpless and useless and ineffective.  I can only imagine how he felt.

The Husband came home from work and had the child run and errand with him.  He got The Tween some gum and let him pick out dessert for that night.  When they got home and settled in, The Husband started a conversation with The Tween about extroverts vs. introverts.  He did it calmly.  He did it in a way The Tween could understand and it seemed to make an impact on him.  He explained things from the introverts perspective.  (He speaks from experience as he is TOTALLY an introvert.)

This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but it TOTALLY filled my heart to see/hear.  The two of them have had an…. adversarial relationship for the last several years.  It seems to be changing though.  Slowly.  Quietly.  Unexpectedly.  We’re finally growing into a family.

Sometimes, parenting sucks.  Being a family makes it easier.

Knitting news:  I didn’t knit a stitch yesterday.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  Today however?  I’ll be knitting the afternoon away!  Loose stitches today.  Loooooose.


4 responses to “Growing Pains

  1. All three of my kids are weird and I say weird in a truthful and loving way. They don’t fit into the “norm” and with parents like they have no wonder. The oldest is a hyperactive, dry humor, hyper-emotional , non-stop talking mess. Our middle child is a drama queen and not as emotionally “aged” as some of her peers. She still thinks boys are “icky” and that apparently isn’t cool. Our youngest is an egghead with speech problems (enough said).

    It’s so truly hard to see them struggle to be themselves in a world that tells them to be someone else.

    Hang in there Momma.

  2. dawww, how sweet! I was like him in a sense – only child, didn’t have many friends, and was not like most kids, but, because I was also an introvert w/ social anxiety, I didn’t talk much, and was essentially a wallflower, so I never really had problems with any other kids for the most part.

    I think getting him to understand the “why” behind the issue(s) should help a bit, along with making sure he is comfortable in his own skin and understands also that being different is not at all a bad thing and that once he gets a little older, he’ll likely find more “different” kids out there, too.

    • I hope so. It’s tough to just let him work it out himself, but in a way that’s what he needs to do in order for it to really impact him. We’re trying to nudge and guide him but MAN… Sometimes it’s soooo slow going!

      I did talk to him about how I was that kid, too. Boy, was I EVER that kid! Genetic have DOOMED my child.. heh.